6 Things Forgiveness Requires
We will conclude our January series on forgiveness by considering what forgiveness requires. Remember that forgiveness is a vertical commitment followed by a horizontal transaction, which means forgiveness is an investment in your relationship with God and with one another.
As with all investments, there is a cost involved. Let’s consider six things that forgiveness requires:
1. Humility
When we stand in the center of our own universe with nothing more important to us than ourselves, we find nothing more offensive than a sin against us. And when pride allows us to think of ourselves as righteous—more righteous than the people we interact with who will sin against us in some way—then it is hard for us to forgive.
“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” (1 Peter 5:5)
2. Compassion
Compassion is being moved by the plight of another, coupled with action to help. Husbands and wives, does compassion grip you when your spouse sins against you? Parents, are you touched by your kid’s struggle with sin? Children, do you feel for your parents when they fail once again? Pastor, are you sad for the people you shepherd in those moments when they are easily entrapped by sin? Christian, do you stand alongside your fellow brother or sister when they struggle, even if the result of that struggle is sin against you?
“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36)
3. Trust
Forgiveness is not so much an act of faith in the other person to confess and repent as it is an act of faith in God. Forgiveness believes that God is with you, that his Word is true, that there is a blessing and a reward for obedience and righteousness, and that he will give you what you need to be who he has called you to be and to do what he has called you to do.
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)
4. Self-Control
To forgive, you have to say no to bitterness, say no to the desire to lash out with angry words and actions of vengeance, and say no to the impulse to share your anger with a relative or friend. Giving way to these things is never a prelude to forgiveness.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Galatians 5:22–24)
5. Sacrifice
So often, we neglect to enter into the long process of forgiveness because we love ourselves more than the other person and do not want to be hassled or hurt again. We choose self-protection over what pleases God and what is best for the other person and the relationship. Forgiveness requires that we be willing to let go of our desire for safety and comfort and for the surface peace of silence, and, as an act of faith, that we endure what we do not want to face in order to help the other person and to reconcile our relationship.
“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” (2 Corinthians 5:14–15)
6. Remembering
Above all, this is the one thing that stimulates forgiveness in our relationships with others.
Do you remember that there is not a day in your life that you do not need to be forgiven? Do you remember that you will never graduate from your need for grace? Do you remember that you have been forgiven with a love you could never earn, achieve, or deserve?
“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!” (Psalm 25:7)
When we are filled with the grief of our own sin and with gratitude for the amazing forgiveness we have been given, then we will find joy in giving to others what we have received.
When you remember the grace that you have been given, you’ll have a heart that is ready to forgive!
A Prayer for Today: God, give me a heart and willingness to forgive. Sometimes, I think it’s impossible to forgive because of the ways I have been hurt or sinned against, but I want to be so enamored with the grace you have given me that my joy overflows into a spirit of forgiveness toward others. Help me to grieve my own sin. Help me to live with gratitude for the grace you have lavished on me. Help me to be in awe of the forgiveness you so readily give. And Lord, help me to, by the power of your Spirit, to give forgiveness to others the way you have given to me. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
Discussion Prompt for Children
1. If the Bible tells us that we are supposed to forgive others, why do you think so many Christians struggle with giving forgiveness?
2. How do you think remembering the forgiveness God has given us helps us to forgive others who have hurt or sinned against us?
3. Is there anyone who you think I need to forgive that I haven’t been willing to forgive in the past? Is there someone who you haven’t forgiven that God is calling you to forgive right now? How can we help each other to live a life of forgiveness and grace in a way that the Bible teaches us?
Reflection Questions
1. Why is self-righteousness such a poisonous thing in the life of a Christian who is called to forgive others the way God has forgiven us? Is there anyone who you feel you’re better than that God is calling you to humble yourself and forgive? Take some time to pray for yourself and that person and don’t delay granting forgiveness any longer.
2. Why isn’t compassion an often-obvious character trait of Christians who feel they have been sinned against? How have you struggled with being compassionate toward others who have sinned against you in the past? Take some time right now and pray for supernatural compassion toward those who have wronged you.
3. How often have you asked God to give you the faith and strength to forgive others when it has seemed impossible to do so? In what ways have you allowed bitterness and anger to dictate your decisions when it comes to extending forgiveness to others? How does the fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5 help shape your heart when it comes to the call to forgive others?
4. Why do you think self-protection can sometimes be a dangerous thing when it comes to the call to forgive? How have safety and comfort taken top priority in your life at the cost of forgiving others who the Lord calls you to forgive?
5. In what ways are you proactively reminding yourself of the grace and forgiveness God has given you and continues to give you all day, every day? How has his grace toward you impacted your responses toward others who have wronged you, hurt you, or blatantly sinned against you? Take some time right now to reflect on the unending grace that God has given you, and allow that grace to shape your decisions when it comes to the call to forgive others in your life.