All You Need Is Hate?
The last four Wednesdays, we have been unpacking a four-part model of biblical discipleship: Love. Know. Speak. Do.
While there is some logic to the order, these elements should all be happening concurrently and repeatedly with those whom you are mentoring or keeping accountable. So, I want to spend the next eight weeks going through each of these aspects twice more.
If 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that “Love never ends” and “the greatest of these is love,” then we must always remember to return to Love as first and foremost in our discipleship relationships.
LOVE. Know. Speak. Do.
Have you ever considered that the following two passages appear to conflict with each other?
“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother” (1 John 4:19-21).
Meanwhile, Jesus commanded us: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26-27).
Christ is not calling us to hateful relationships with others. Rather, the call of Luke 14 is to daily kill—or hate—our own selfish agenda when it comes to loving others so that we may be part of his selfless agenda of Love.
Otherwise, we will hinder what the Lord is doing, rather than advance it.
Let’s be honest. How much are the people in your life, whom you claim and strive to love, a deep source of personal frustration?
How often do you see these people as obstacles to your personal ministry rather than the objects of it? When was the last time you gave in to stress and reacted sinfully, in a way that was opposite of loving, failing to incarnate the character of the One who is Love?
Can I be so bold as to ask: whom have you given up on?
Far too often, we view the people we are discipling as our own. Even though our intentions might have started off self-sacrificially, it doesn’t take long before our hearts become ruled by pleasure, comfort, and ease.
We get irritated by others who interfere with these things, and while there can be justified righteous anger at the sin of another person, much of our anger is actually due to the fact that these people have violated our little kingdom of self—not God’s!
We can be such relationship thieves. People do not belong to us; they belong to God! And the relationships God places us in are not primarily for our fulfillment.
On the contrary, relationships between sinners are messy, difficult, labor-intensive, and demanding, but in that, they are designed to result in God’s glory and our good as he is worshiped and our hearts are changed.
As we continually repent of our relationship thievery, idolatry, and selfishness, we can be more effective instruments in the redemptive work Christ wants to do in our relationships.
Effective discipleship can begin when we confess that we take relationships that belong to God and try to use them for our own selfish purposes.
The relationships God gives us are not luxuries or vehicles for our own happiness, but a workroom for sanctification—both for us and the other person who we are discipling.
You cannot be part of Christ’s life-giving discipleship work in the life of another person without first being willing to lay down—or hate—your own life.
So yes, you need to hate before you can Love.
A Prayer for Today: Lord, please help me to become the kind of person who is willing to sacrifice my own agenda, my own comfort, and my own desires, in a way that puts you and others first. Help me to see that the relationships you have brought into my life are relationships that belong primarily to you, and help me to be an instrument of grace in the lives of the people you have ushered into my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.
God bless,
Paul David Tripp
Discussion Prompt for Children
Why is what we do a better way to understand what we believe than just what we say? If someone says something about the way they live, but then they live in the opposite way than what they said, what do you think they really believe? Why is what we do a true reflection of what we believe?
Reflection Questions
- Why is growth in knowledge and insight not the same thing as genuine life change? Why is it so dangerous to confuse biblical knowledge with active, biblical wisdom? Why is the application of knowledge and insight to our daily lives more important than knowledge and insight itself?
- Why is it easy to confuse insight and knowledge with genuine life change? How have you been blind to this in your own life? How might God be calling you to help others see their blindness in their areas of sin?
- If a friend of yours knows a lot about how to change, but never actually changes, how can you lovingly offer help to him or her? In what ways can you continue to love them and spur them on when the process of change is slow? How can you encourage your friend in love to be a doer of the word and not just a hearer?