Guilt and Grace

“O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to you, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has mounted up to the heavens. From the days of our fathers to this day we have been in great guilt. And for our iniquities we, our kings, and our priests have been given into the hand of the kings of the lands, to the sword, to captivity, to plundering, and to utter shame, as it is today.” (Ezra 9:6–7)

I need relief from the unbearable weight
of every wrong and foolish thing
I have ever done in the days behind me,
that have showered down the years,
dried up on life’s hard ground,
leaving an indelible stain of guilt and regret.

Each regret is a spot of infection
on the cells of my heart.
Each one compounding the disease
of wrongs said and done
until my weakened heart can barely
love, laugh, and rejoice.

There are too many haunting moments,
ones that I long to remove from history,
to yank out of the ears of hearers,
to hide from the eyes of see-ers,
to make the hurt ones forget,
to cleanse the sorrow from my heart.

There are faces and places
that constantly flood into memory,
past people sticking their faces into now,
past dramas overwhelming my present,
painful places I cannot help but revisit,
dark histories not to be undone.

I have not always been pure of heart.
I have not always loved as you have loved.
I have not always spoken words of grace.
I have not always lived what I believe.
I have not always loved what you say is good.
I have so often demanded my own way.

I wish I could hold my track record before you.
I wish could argue for my righteousness.
I wish I could talk to you of my strength.
I wish I could testify to my wisdom.
I wish mine was a legacy of surrender.
I wish I could stand before you holy and whole.

Yet today I am very thankful that the weight of your grace
is much greater than the weight of my sin.
I am so grateful that the weight of your forgiveness
is greater than the weight of my regret.
Today I celebrate that the weight of your love
is greater than the weight of my unworthiness.

I am amazed that the stains of my past
have been forever removed.
Moment by moment I am aware
that the burden of my guilt has been lifted.
I have been liberated from dragging my past
into the life you have now given me.

I rest in this glorious reality:
that I stand before you as righteous,
not a righteousness of my own making,
but the perfect righteousness of Another,
graciously given to me
by the willing life and death of the Son.

I no longer live weighted down.
I no longer am haunted by my guilt.
I no longer live in the darkness of shame.
I no longer run and hide from you.
I have been liberated by the power of grace,
free now to worship and celebrate you.

My life is not a legacy of stains,
but a joyful journey of hope.
I am no longer held by my past,
but heading for a destiny I could not earn.
I live in peace and rest of heart,
because I was met by the Lord of grace
and everything has now become new.

“But now for a brief moment favor has been shown by the Lord our God, to leave us a remnant and to give us a secure hold within his holy place, that our God may brighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our slavery. For we are slaves. Yet our God has not forsaken us in our slavery, but has extended to us his steadfast love before the kings of Persia, to grant us some reviving to set up the house of our God, to repair its ruins, and to give us protection in Judea and Jerusalem.” (Ezra 9:8–9)

A Prayer for Today: Lord, help me to live in the truth that I no longer need to be haunted by the sins I have committed. Help me to rejoice in the freedom that Christ has provided for me in his willing life and death. My life is not a legacy of stains but a joyful journey of hope, and that is only because your Son achieved perfect righteousness on my behalf. Thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice and great love for me. I have been liberated by the power of your grace, and I am eternally grateful. In your name I pray, amen.

Discussion Prompt for Children

1. How do you think the life and death of Jesus can relate to you personally? What do you think is wrong with people that they need to be saved by God through Jesus? Is there something wrong with you and me that needs to be focused on?

2. What does it mean when people say, “Jesus makes me new”? Have you been made new by Jesus?

3. If you’ve been made new by Jesus, why is it that guilt and shame over your mistakes is no longer something you have to be weighed down by? How can I help you to better understand Jesus’ sacrifice for you?

Reflection Questions

1. How has the weight of your past sin burdened and stained you with guilt and regret?

2. Why is the track record of all your good deeds not enough to wash away the stains of your sinfulness? In what ways has the weight of God’s grace in your life impacted your perspective on your past sins? How is God’s grace currently changing you right now? List some specifics of what God is presently doing in your life.

3. What might it look like to live your life not focused on your past sins, but on the joyful journey of hope you are on because of being in Christ? Why does your past not have a hold on you anymore? What past mistakes are you seeing God redeem in your life? How does his active transformation in your life lead you to worship? Take some time to pray and thank the Lord for all that he has done for you and how he is working to make you more and more like his Son.