Confront Yourself First

From Paul Tripp Ministries

“Speaking the truth in love.” This powerful little phrase from Ephesians 4:15 provides not only the permission, but also the practical definition, for biblical confrontation when another brother or sister in the Lord needs to be corrected.

Why do we speak the truth? “So that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes” (v. 14). And, so that we can “grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” (v. 15).

If this is the result of speaking truth, withholding it would be terribly unloving! But the justification of using Ephesians 4:15 must also be taken with a warning: biblical confrontation requires checking your own heart.

Love. Know. SPEAK. Do.

Since personal biblical ministry involves building relationships with struggling sinners, it is impossible to serve without somehow being touched by the sin and struggle of those we serve.

The angry person will get angry with you, the distrustful person will question your trustworthiness, and the discouraged person will probably receive your best counsel with cynicism and doubt.

It will be very rare that someone will accept your rebuke with immediate gratitude and joy!

Since we, too, are struggling sinners, we must confess that we will need abundant grace for these hostile responses.

In discipleship or counseling, this step of preparation is often neglected and the result becomes messy. It’s not only because the receiver was unteachable, but because the ambassador was unprepared.

Therefore, biblical confrontation begins with confronting the sin in your own heart before confronting the sin of someone else. If I do not start with my own heart, I will tend to:

Turn moments of ministry into moments of anger. My words will be shaped more by my anger than by the good God wants to do through me.

Personalize what is not personal. Horizontal offenses (against me) will seem more significant than the person’s vertical life (relationship with God) and I will become increasingly sensitive to things that are not personal, but are simply indicators of where basic changes are needed in the person’s heart.

Be adversarial in my approach. The more I am hurt and fail to deal with it, the more I assume a “stand against” posture rather than a “stand with” posture when I encounter the one who hurt me. It is tragic but true: we do sometimes become the adversaries of people we are called to help.

Confuse my opinion with God’s will. My job is to hold the mirror of the Word of God in front of a brother or sister so they can see accurately. However, when I fail to deal with my own heart, my words will be driven by my feelings, desires, and opinions.

Settle for quick solutions that do not address the heart. I will be less excited by what God is doing and more eager to end the uncomfortable confrontation. Rather than being motivated to persevere until God has accomplished all that he intends, I will be attracted to superficial solutions that allow me to move on.

Are there sinful attitudes you have not faced within yourself that can hinder the discipleship and ministry relationships God has planned for you? It is impossible to speak the truth in love when I am not dealing with my thoughts, feelings, desires, and attitudes that stand in the way.

God has ordained that difficult person to be in your life. It is not a sign of God’s inattention but his covenant-keeping care. The Wonderful Counselor is working on everybody involved.

Not only is God using you to help this person change; God is using this person to expose the areas where you need to change! It is impossible to participate in God’s work of transformation without confessing your need for it as well.

No one is more ready to communicate God’s grace than someone who has faced their own desperate need for it.

A Prayer for Today: Lord, help me to be someone who is aware of my own need for your grace before I approach another person in an attempt to correct them. I admit that I am tempted to confront others out of the desires of my own selfish feelings and opinions, so I need you to help alter my motivations as I speak the truth in love to others. Thank you for caring enough about me to place relationships in my life that refine and mold me more and more into a person who humbly admits to needing your grace. By the power of your Spirit, please convict me, and then work through me to help others know you more. In Jesus’ name, amen.

God bless,

Paul Tripp

 


 

Discussion Prompt for Children:

• Why do you think it’s so hard for adults to talk to other adults about what needs to be corrected or changed in their life?

• If someone in your life is difficult to correct, how do you think God can work through that relationship to help change both them AND you?

Reflection Questions

1. Why is it important to check your own heart and motivations before you move into a potentially difficult conversation with someone who needs to be corrected? What might God want to show you about what needs to change in your life before you correct and help someone else to change?

2. In the past when you have attempted to confront another person about their sin, how has your confrontation been more about how you’ve been personally hurt (horizontal offense) than about their sin against God (vertical offense)? Why do you think we feel horizontal offenses more deeply than vertical offenses in another person’s life?

3. In what ways have you been an adversary of someone you’ve been called to help? In the future, what posture can you take in your own life and heart to stand with someone instead of stand against them?

4. Are there sinful attitudes you have not faced that can hinder the discipleship and ministry relationships God has planned for you? If so, take some time to pray right now and ask God to work on your heart and change you before you move into a conversation that attempts to change someone else.?

Confront Yourself First

New Hope Presbyterian Church Bridgeton, NJ

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